


Calm Before The Storm

by nowalee



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Almost Kiss, Angst, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Canon Compliant, F/M, Love Confessions, M/M, Missing Scene, POV Steve Rogers, Pining, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:48:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21939952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nowalee/pseuds/nowalee
Summary: The night before the heist, Steve couldn’t sleep.The missing scene from Avengers: Endgame where Steve and Tony finally talk before the time heist.
Relationships: Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 16
Kudos: 55





	Calm Before The Storm

**Author's Note:**

> So, this one is a bit different from what I usually write.
> 
> It's canon compliant with Endgame, and it's just a short scene in which Tony and Steve finally talk to each other, but it's by far the angstiest thing I have ever written (not that that's saying much, angst is not something I write often).
> 
> I hope you guys like it, and of course feel free to tell me what you thought about it.
> 
> Thanks for reading!

The night before the heist, Steve couldn't sleep.

He knew he should at least try. But the nerves and the anticipation didn’t let him rest. This was the moment he has been unknowingly waiting for, for the past five years.

So much could go wrong. This will be by far the riskiest endeavor they ever attempted. But if they managed to succeed? It would mean everything. It was worth the risk.

Watching the people cope, in those past five years, showed Steve one thing. Thanos was wrong. He left a world where the resources could thrive, perhaps, but that world was broken now. You can’t create a better world when the people suffer. Sure, they will try to move on. It’s in our bones, that need to keep going, to survive. But it’s not the same. People are not the same. The scars left run too deep.

Steve knew, throughout all those years, that there will have to come a day when they will be given an opportunity to fix what Thanos did. To undo it. Steve knew in his soul that they had to at least try, no matter the cost.

The night felt too peaceful for all the thoughts running through his head. He needed a distraction, something else to focus on.

His go-to has always been the gym, but he wanted to save all his energy for tomorrow. And staying in his room alone wasn’t an option. In the end, his feet led him to the living room, to see who else was up, or just watch some mindless TV.

Walking into the room, he breathed a sigh of relief when he noticed someone else was awake, sitting on the couch. While he wasn’t in the mood to have a conversation, he knew that just being in the room with someone else would quiet his anxiety.

But when he came closer to the couch, he stopped in his tracks.

It was Tony.

His gaze was fixated on the phone, deep in thought. He didn’t even notice Steve.

When Steve took a few more steps closer, he saw what Tony was watching so intently.

It was Morgan. She was trying to feed an alpaca, somewhat successfully. The alpaca seemed unimpressed with all the food she was trying to give him, but he ate some anyway, almost as if he just wanted to make her smile. And smile she did, that big, bright, brilliant smile Steve knew all too well.

“She has your smile,” Steve found himself saying.

Tony startled, looking up at Steve. He paused the video.

“Couldn’t sleep?” Tony asked.

Steve shook his head. “Mind if I join you?”

Tony didn’t say anything, but he moved aside, leaving room on the couch for Steve. There was tension between them, now more than in the light of day. They were both careful around each other, as if one wrong word could break the fragile friendship they settled on.

It was the last thing Steve wanted. Those last seven years without Tony have been torture. Sure, in the last five, since Thanos, he had seen him here and there. But it was rare, and they didn’t talk much, Tony’s words from after he came back to Earth ringing clearly in Steve’s head.

When Tony showed up at the compound, time travel solved, Steve’s shield in his trunk, Steve felt hope for the first time. That maybe, just maybe, they can be friends again. That the past can be forgiven. And then Tony had said, ‘ _turns out resentment is corrosive and I hate it,_ ’ and Steve had smiled, thinking that maybe, with Tony by his side, everything can be okay again. They can fix the world, and they can fix them.

He just wanted his friend back. He wanted Tony in his life again, after so many wasted years.

Tony picked up a glass from the table, taking a sip. Steve could smell bourbon.

“Are you nervous?” he asked softly.

Tony whirled the bourbon in his glass. He was looking down at his phone, video frozen on Morgan’s smile.

“Nah,” Tony finally said. “Everything is going to work out just fine.”

Steve could tell Tony didn’t really believe it. They all hoped, sure, but there was also doubt in all of them. There were so many variables, and Tony knew, more than anyone else, how any one of them could go wrong in multiple ways. No wonder he couldn’t sleep.

Steve needed to change the topic, make Tony, as well as himself, forget about the impossibility of tomorrow, if only for just a moment.

“She looks like you,” he said finally, looking down at Morgan. It was the smile, yes, but it was also so much more. The brilliance, the energy. Big, bright eyes. Steve had no doubt she was going to change the world one day, just like her father.

“Yeah,” Tony whispered. His eyes were soft, vulnerable. Steve could see in that moment, as clear as day, that Tony would do anything to protect her. Then he shut the phone down and set it aside. “Wanna watch a movie?”

“Sure,” Steve said, even though he knew he wouldn’t be able to concentrate on it. But he was next to Tony, and that was enough for him.

“Fri, put something on, please,” Tony said, and a moment later the TV turned on. Steve didn’t recognize the movie but the action sequences were enough to keep his attention. Or they would have been, if Steve wasn’t so painfully aware of Tony beside him, his every shift and turn. His eyes were bright from the TV light, and he seemed focused on the screen, though Steve knew he wasn’t paying much attention to it either.

“You’re staring,” Tony said.

Steve blinked, looking away. He didn’t even notice he turned his head to look at Tony instead of the TV.

“Sorry,” he said, awkwardly.

Tony sighed. “Steve…”

“Yes?”

Tony turned to look at him. “Do you think we can do it?”

Steve didn’t ask what he was talking about. He didn’t have to. But he didn’t have an answer. “I don’t know.”

Tony turned back to the TV. Not for the first time, Steve wanted to know what he was thinking about.

“I think,” Steve began softly, wanting to remove the haunted look from Tony’s face. “That as long as we’re together we can do anything.”

Tony shifted on the couch, turning his attention to Steve fully, ignoring the TV. “What do you think would have happened?” he asked. “If we were together when Thanos attacked? Do you think it would have gone differently? Would we have won?”

Tony’s expression was conflicted, almost as if he didn’t want to know the answer. “Maybe,” Steve said. “Maybe not. Maybe no matter what we would have done differently, Thanos would have always won. Maybe what we do now matters more than what we could have done then.”

Tony nodded, expression serious. “It’s a nice way of thinking about it.”

Steve shrugged. He had a lot of time, these past five years, to think about it.

“It has to work,” Tony said after a while. “It just has to.”

“It will,” Steve said, but Tony didn’t seem to hear him. He was lost in thought, looking over Steve’s shoulder.

“What if we don’t get him back? What if we fail? I can’t go through that again.”

Steve was confused for a second. But then he realized. The kid.

“We’re going to get him back. Tony,” he said and put a hand on Tony’s shoulder to get his attention. Tony snapped his head to look at him. “We’re going to get everyone back.”

“He was so young,” Tony whispered. Steve didn’t realize until now how haunted Tony was. How much the snap affected him. Everyone thought that Tony got lucky, having Pepper, Rhodey and Happy survive the snap. But he bore the effects of the snap, just like the rest of them did.

Steve didn’t know what to say. He wanted to repeat that they would bring everyone back, but truthfully, he wasn’t so sure. It was a risk, what they were doing, and no one knew for sure how it was going to end.

“We’re going to give our best, Tony,” he said in the end. It was the absolute truth.

“Yes. But is our best enough?”

“It has to be.”

Tony was silent for a long moment. “You’re going to love Peter,” he said in the end. “He reminds me of you. The way he sees the good in everyone. His optimism and energy. He just wanted to help. He thought that because he got these powers, it was his duty to help.”

“He’s lucky he has you, you know?” Steve said.

But Tony shook his head. He seemed like he wanted to say something, but changed his mind in the last second. He turned his head back to look at the TV but his body was still angled toward Steve.

“Sometimes I miss the times when I didn’t have so much to lose.”

Steve was silent for a second. “But were you happier then?”

“No,” Tony said. “I guess not.”

Tony took another sip from his drink, deep in thought.

“I miss it too, though. Those times. When things were simpler.”

Tony smiled. “We were at each other’s throats so much back then. Couldn’t go through a conversation without disagreeing about something.”

Steve couldn’t help but mirror Tony’s smile. “I liked it.”

Tony looked at him like he was mad. “You _liked_ it?”

Steve shrugged. “You were one of the only people at that time to treat me normally. Everyone else seemed to walk on eggshells around me.”

Tony’s brows furrowed. “Still. I know I didn’t make it easy for you.”

“No,” Steve agreed with a smile. “But it was a welcome distraction from the world back then.”

Tony huffed a laugh. He raised his head to look at Steve and they stared at each other for a long moment, lost in thought.

“We really messed up, didn’t we?” Tony broke the silence.

“What do you mean?”

“Us.”

Steve stopped breathing. He was terrified of saying something and breaking the moment. But Tony was still looking at him intently, daring him to disagree.

“Yeah,” Steve said, because it was the truth. They did mess up. They messed up so badly they lost seven years. They lost so much.

“I keep thinking,” Tony said, “what would have happened. If we agreed on the accords. If we didn’t fight.”

“If I didn’t lie to you,” Steve added. It was one of his biggest regrets, and the cost of it will forever haunt him.

Tony didn’t disagree. He was so close, Steve could count his eyelashes.

“I think about it too,” Steve said in the end, unable to stand the silence.

And it was true. He spent most of those two years on the run thinking about it. If they weren’t both so stubborn, if they just communicated better. If Steve wasn’t such a coward. If he wasn’t so terrified of just being in the room with Tony back then, because he was still scared of his feelings, that thing in his chest that ached every time Tony looked in his direction.

Maybe if he had acknowledged it, if he didn’t took it out on Tony, things would have been different.

“And?” Tony interrupted his thoughts.

“And what?”

“What do you think would have happened?”

It hurt to think about it. It hurt so much, the knowledge that if Steve had just talked to Tony, told him everything, that it would have changed everything. Steve wouldn’t have lost Tony. They would have still been friends. Maybe they would have been something more. Maybe, if Steve weren’t such a coward, he would have taken that chance, the only chance he got, to tell Tony how he felt. Because Tony was single for the first time since they met, and Steve was too busy denying his feelings and fighting with Tony, to grab that chance.

If he had, what would have happened? Would Tony have returned those feelings? Would they try to make it work, somehow, against all odds? Would Steve have Tony by his side all those years instead of having to look from afar, full of regrets?

“I don’t know,” he answered in the end. “I don’t know what would have happened.”

Tony must have heard the pain in his voice, because his gaze softened. “We were idiots, weren’t we?”

Steve smiled. He could hear it in Tony’s voice as well, all that regret and unused opportunities. The fact that they could have been together, if only they had been less stupid.

Because they could have been, right? Steve could see it now, in Tony’s eyes. They both felt so much, too much, that the only options were happiness or destruction. And without knowing it, they chose destruction.

Then Tony moved, suddenly and unexpectedly, but he seemed to forget the glass he was still holding in his hands because it slipped from his fingers before he could catch it.

But Steve’s reflexes were as fast as ever and he caught the glass easily before it shattered on the floor. The bourbon spilled on his fingers however, so Steve put the glass back on the table and looked to see if there were any tissues in the near vicinity. There weren’t, so Steve, unwilling to move away from Tony, licked his fingers clean. The bourbon was sharp on his tongue, and Steve relished the taste even though he knew he couldn’t get drunk on it.

He looked up at Tony, and he could almost feel his heart skip a beat at the look on his face. Steve put his hand down, but Tony didn’t stop looking at his mouth, eyes dark, mouth slightly open. The look made Steve dizzy more than the whole bottle of bourbon would have.

It was overwhelming suddenly, this thing in his chest that seemed to beat in time with Tony’s breath.

Tomorrow they would go and try to save the universe, and Steve knew that if he didn’t speak up now he would forever regret it. Because there were no certainties, and anything could happen, and this was an opportunity Steve wasn’t going to let go.

“You know I love you, right?” he said, the words a whisper. And it was like he could breathe easier, ready to face every monster, because it didn’t matter anymore. All that mattered was that Tony finally knew, and Steve finally said the words out loud.

“I know,” Tony said, but the hitch in his breath betrayed him. He didn’t know. He wasn’t sure, until now, that it was really true. Like the fact that Steve Rogers loved Tony Stark wasn’t engraved in every star in all the universes.

They were closer now, so close that they were sharing air, and Steve thought he was going to pass out from the way his heart was beating in his chest. They were only millimeters apart.

They moved toward each other, almost in a trance. It was like the world ceased to exist, this moment frozen in time. But their lips touched for barely a fracture of a second before Tony put his hand on Steve’s chest, halting him.

“I can’t,” Tony rasped, the words barely audible.

And the moment unfroze, and the rest of the world came crashing in, like cold water over overheated skin.

“I know,” Steve said, keeping his voice in check. He could fall apart later. He had to show Tony now that it was okay. That Steve understood.

Because he did understand. He knew that Tony had Pepper now. Pepper, who loved him and who didn’t deserve what had almost happened. Steve felt guilty, thinking about her, but he couldn’t regret the moment.

Tony exhaled then hugged Steve. His hands were clutching at Steve’s shirt, his face buried in the crook of Steve’s neck.

Steve slowed his breathing. This was fine. This was more than fine.

Steve had Tony in his arms, and he knew going forward that Tony would always be his friend. After spending years without him, this was enough. It might not be all he wanted, but it was enough.

After a while, Tony untangled from him, and Steve missed his warmth almost immediately. But it was late, and they had work to do. Tomorrow was a big day.

They didn’t say anything as Tony got up. He pocketed his phone, but left the bottle of bourbon and the almost empty glass on the table. He moved toward the door, but in the last second turned around.

“We’re going to be okay, right?” he asked, voice small.

Steve thought about Thanos, and the risk they all faced tomorrow. He thought about how he could do anything if only he had Tony by his side.

He was never letting go of him again. He lost him once, and he wasn’t going to do it again. He was happy for Tony and Pepper. Just being back in Tony’s life, being his friend, was the most important thing in Steve’s life, and nothing could ever change that.

“Always,” he said, the words a promise.

Tony smiled, small and relieved, before turning around and walking away.

Tomorrow was a big day.

But they were the Avengers, and they were going to bring everyone back.

And then they had the rest of their lives to live.

As long as they were alive they could do anything. As long as Tony was alive, Steve was going to be okay.


End file.
